Break Free From the Comparison Trap

Have you fallen into the comparison trap? In today's interconnected world, it’s as easy as one click. With social media highlighting reels of other people's lives it's easy to find ourselves measuring our own success, appearance, and relationships against the pictures we see. Before we know it, we find ourselves comparing our "ordinary" job to our friend's globetrotting career. We measure our body against that person’s better body. We compare our relationship to that other couple’s amazing partnership.

We know that what we see on social media is not always the reality of someone’s life, at least not the whole reality. And we know that the grass is seldom greener on the other side. And yet…

The truth is that everyone falls into the comparison trap occasionally. It’s human nature. Sociologists tell us that we compare ourselves to others as a way to orient our standing in a group and to determine how we are doing. Sometimes we compare upward, to people we consider better off than us. Other times we compare downward, to people we judge as worse off than us.

But if social comparison is normal behavior, why does it make us feel so bad? Because our social structure and interaction has changed in a way that allows us, and even encourages us, to make comparisons 24/7.

So, how do we stop the endless loop of measuring ourselves against other people?  We embrace our own worth.  We remind ourselves over and over again that we are on our own unique path.  And we tell ourselves every day that we are enough, just as we are with all of our imperfections.

That may sound like a hard ask, especially if we have allowed our inner critic to dominate our thoughts.  Here are some tips to quiet that judgy voice and embrace your own worthiness:

- Daily Self-Acknowledgment.  Every day write something down that you have done or said that you are proud of.  By the way, it’s not only okay to be proud of yourself, it’s critical to your well-being. People who acknowledge their accomplishments and unique characteristics experience more contentment and feel more empowered in their lives.

- Express Gratitude.  Keep a daily gratitude list.  Writing even one thing you are grateful for every day helps you to appreciate what is already present in your life.  Plus, expressing gratitude makes us happier.

- Compliment Others.  Next time you’re tempted to compare yourself to someone, compliment them instead. Even if you’re scrolling on social media, compliment them out loud. That will help you get out of the negative cycle of comparisons and over time, it may help you to view other people’s successes more positively.

- Be Compassionate with Yourself.  No one is perfect.  You will make mistakes, possibly often.  Acknowledge your mistakes, respond to them appropriately (by asking for forgiveness, forgiving yourself, cleaning up the mess, etc.), and treat yourself as you would treat someone you love and treasure.  Would you make them feel bad about what happened and constantly remind them of it?  Would you call them names and emotionally beat them up?  Probably not. Don’t do it to yourself either.

- Align Your Goals With Your Values.  What can you do to be a better person today?  How can you more consistently pursue your value-driven goals? Do more of those things.

So, next time you find yourself falling into the comparison trap, reflect on all the things that make your life uniquely yours and find contentment in your own journey.